Waiting

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Cycles and Seasons

Have you ever stopped to think about how much we are influenced by repeated cycles and events? For example, the holiday season. No one is truly immune to it, even when we avoid it. There is a greater sense of community, of connectedness, than at any other time of the year. There is more joy, more sharing, more giving. Also more eating, drinking, and arguing. It’s incredible, and the effects of repeated cycles often continue even when the original situation has drastically changed. About two months ago, I went through a pretty serious depression. I was moody, anxious, grumpy, and just downright sad. The thing was, I couldn’t figure out why. There were no discernible reasons for my mood. Work was going well, at least as well as it ever does. My finances are in good shape, my relationships are solid. So why was I so down?

Finally, it hit me. Exactly a year before, I was unemployed, very broke, feeling very insecure and apprehensive, and my relationships were undergoing some pretty major upheaval. So this year, despite the fact that everything in my life is better, I was still depressed. I didn’t even understand what might be causing it until it was almost over. The one-year anniversary of starting my new job passed, and like a miracle my mood lifted. I felt happier and stronger again. It was very strange.

More recently, it happened again. Spring is almost universally considered to be a time of renewal, as the land wakes up again, the sun stays around longer, and animals give birth to their young. For me, it has always been a little bit the same. Like waking up after a long sleep – which honestly is weird, because I love winter and often feel most awake during the cold months. Still, spring seems like the time to begin new endeavors, to shake off the cobwebs and get moving again. Which is exactly what I have slowly been doing since the turn of the season, both mentally and physically. Moving again. Making room for new thoughts and ideas, discarding ones that no longer serve. Boxing again, which I haven’t done in months. Thinking about travel, and road trips, and visiting places I’ve always wanted to go, even right here in my hometown. Waking up.

I’m excited to welcome spring, and to start moving again in my life. Moving forward, making changes. As much as part of me hates change, I know it is the only way to truly live. So here I am, changing a little bit every day.

What cycles do you repeat? And what are you going to change today?