Starting Small

So it’s been ages. Maybe two or three. But here I am, thinking about my blog again. Wondering why I never do seem to be able to keep up with it. So instead of just contemplating, I am doing. (for once)

Lots of people I know are taking the time for November to post on Facebook about one thing they are thankful for each day.

NaNoWriMo and NaPloBoMo are totally a thing.

Why not combine them, and get a new habit started?

One new blog post each day, and my topic is already decided – what am I thankful for today?

That’s not so hard, is it?

So I’m starting small.

Today, I am thankful for hot showers.

Welcome Back!

Hi all. I was a tad bored this morning, so I started playing around with my blog. New theme and colors, which I mostly like. Some feedback would be great, though. Any thoughts? For example, I’m not loving that apparently you have to hover over the title area in order to clearly see it and the menu. I’m planning to leave this up for a couple days, pending feedback. Thanks!

New Year, Not So New You

Ah, New Year’s Day. The day when we all get to be shiny and new. Yesterday we promised that next year, we would be better: healthier, happier, kinder, more forgiving, more generous, more thoughtful, more organized. Today is the day most of us try our best to fulfill that promise. Tomorrow is the day most of us give up.

We’ve gotten used to instant gratification. Practically everything we could want is available the moment we want it. But changing yourself takes more than a day. It takes more than a promise, or a hope, or even a commitment. It takes work. That promise, and your commitment to it, will need to be reevaluated and renewed. Every single day. Change is inevitable, but if you want to be in control of where change takes you, you have to choose to be so. How many of us are familiar with deciding to work out more often? And when we make the decision, we are so determined, so full of the rush of knowing this will help us feel better. Then we get caught up in daily routines, stressed about work or family or money, and even though we’ve been working hard, there is a day when we don’t stick to our plan. No big deal, we can pick up tomorrow. But then it happens again. And again. And in a while, we realize it’s been weeks since we have actually worked out. We aren’t sure how it happened, but there it is. And now it’s starting over from the beginning, and that’s just plain exhausting.

This is why I say we have to decide to change, every day. There is just too much going on in our lives, we are all moving too fast for a lesser commitment to be successful. Time moves so fast, and in order to make the most of it, we have to take charge.

2014 was a hard year for me. I went through some really rough times, lost some important people, and perhaps most importantly, lost a part of myself. It’s taken me most of the year to realize I will never get that part back. The me that was can never be again. I have become a new shape, smaller in some places and larger in others, and I have to choose how to fill that shape in. And this is a constantly ongoing process. In the midst of all my struggles, I started a career that so far has been an enormous blessing. I’ve moved forward in so many ways. I already started my New Year’s resolution. Two weeks ago, I decided I was done with feeling weak and out of shape. And every day since, I have done something about it. I am very out of shape, so nothing is too strenuous, but there is yoga, and stretching, and the beginnings of boxing practice again. Every day, I tell myself I will do something. And there have been days it almost doesn’t happen. But because I make that promise to myself, it does. Sometimes it is just a little stretching right before bed, but it is something. And slowly, that will grow into something more. Big dramatic promises don’t work for me. I am changing slowly, a little tiny bit at a time. And I am taking charge of how that change happens.

So, my not-so-new friends, I wish you the best of luck in 2015. Whatever your goals, your dreams and desires, whether or not you turn them into resolutions, I wish you the strength and determination to see them through, and to take charge of your life. Blessed be.

Work in Progress

So I didn’t write a post yesterday. Total fail, right? Wrong.

I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to be. Sure, now I can’t say I posted every day in November. So what? Today makes three out of four, and that’s pretty damn good, all things considered. And I’m starting over. In more ways than one, I am trying to eliminate “fail” (and derivatives like “failure”) from my vocabulary. My problem with them is I over apply. If I fail to meet my goal of posting every day in November, then I am a failure. That’s simply not true. I am so much more than that.

Yesterday was a rough day. Full day of work, workshops after work, and the death of a beloved family dog. I’m allowed to give myself a pass on something like a blog post. It’s not against the rules. Mind you, I have to work at it to really believe myself when I say that. I’m so used to my all or nothing mentality that accepting that less than all is still success is very challenging. But it’s a challenge I want to take on, because who the hell ever achieves every single thing they set out to do? Certainly not me. And if I can learn to accept success on a smaller scale than perfection, I can learn to be happier, because I won’t have to think of myself as a failure. I like this plan.

Tell me, what have you succeeded at lately?

So what’s for dinner?

Ever have one of those days when you just couldn’t care less what the food is, so long as you get to eat? I have them all the time. Really, all the time. And for me, not only do I not care what I eat, this not caring makes it so hard to decide what to eat. So if there isn’t somebody else to say “this is what we’re having”, it can take me hours to decide on anything, because nothing sounds good. It’s very frustrating.

I was concerned that today would be one of those days. Breakfast wasn’t a problem, because I had decided before I went to bed last night what to have this morning. Lunch was a problem, and I ended up eating late and not nearly enough. I was feeling the same about dinner. Didn’t really care, just needed to eat. Was planning to come home from my errands and just cook whatever I put my hands on (even that decision is actually an improvement for me). But then I remembered that I wanted to have something for lunch tomorrow. So, I went to the grocery store, thinking of getting some lunch meat for a sandwich. As I strolled rather slowly through the store, I passed a display of fish. And suddenly, I knew what I wanted for dinner. I’m having fish and chips, with coleslaw. The fish is cooking right now and smells delicious.

Thank goodness for days when the universe steps in to help me out. Now if I can just motivate myself to clean up after I cook dinner…

Here we go again…

Well, here we are. November 1. I’ve been thinking lately that I have really neglected this blog. Looking back, that’s quite an understatement. It’s been months since I’ve posted. But, sometimes you have to rebuild a habit before it can be part of your life. And since I’ve been thinking about it, I’ve realized that today is the perfect day to start again. Beginning of NaBloPoMo (as well as NaNoWriMo), so I have a specific goal to work with. That’s always good for me. And since I started blogging a year ago, what day could be better than today for starting again? (Humans really are creatures of cyclical life. Really.) I’m also using today to start lots of other things. Taking a walk in the morning. Working on my jewelry enough to actually sell it. Just trying to be more productive in general. And now that I have vomited a few thoughts onto the page, I think I am about done with them. Thoughts, that is. For the day. It’s been a rather long one. So, off to bed and sleep (ooh, extra sleep, thank you daylight savings). See you tomorrow!

Void

Because it is a thought much in line with my own, and worth sharing.

Random and Written

The mind is void.
It becomes all things but does not
become them.
It conceives of all movement and substance
but remains as it is.
This is void.
Unknowable. Invisible. Untouchable.
It is and it is not.

The air is void.
It is and it is not.
In any empty space, anything can occur.
The space may fill with fire,
like a mind with a thought,
but when the fire fades
the space will remain.
This is void.
Unending. Unchanging.

All things are impermanent,
but the space in which they happen remains.
The ewer can be refilled when the water has gone.
The bowl will eventually return to emptiness,
no matter how often it is filled.
This is void.
Refilling, rejuvenating, present even where it is not.
Empty, Eternal, Energizing.

 

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