It feels good

It feels good to feel good. Why do we forget this? Or neglect it? Or choose to stay in an unhappy state, avoiding the things we know will help us to feel good?

There are a lot of really complicated answers for those questions. Some have to do with habit, some with depression, some with disease, fear, outside pressure. Who knows.

The truth is, though, that we can feel good if we choose to.

I forget that too often. Right now I remember.

So I am reminding you. Go do something that makes you feel good. Not because I said so, but because you deserve it. And because you really do have the power to choose.

Timelines

It’s so frustrating to make plans, and base so many thoughts and actions around those plans – only to have someone else throw in a wrench and say, “nope, we’re doing this now”. Or, like I’ve had lately, the wrenches are more like opportunities to do what I want – but I’m so not ready! There are many things I want to accomplish in the coming year, but I have created a timetable for them, a general idea of when it will be best for me to achieve these goals. So why are all the opportunities showing up now? I’m not ready. I don’t have the money. I don’t have the space or the time. Other things have to change before I can take advantage of these opportunities. Stop throwing them at me!

This article is good, but the message is better. Keep fighting those inner demons. They aren’t here to beat you, you are here to beat them. It’s terribly hard some days, but every time you fight, you win. Sometimes only a tiny bit, but it’s worth it. It’s a beginning. Fight your fight, and know that you aren’t the only one. Don’t give up. Always keep fighting.

“I want somebody to wake up and brush their teeth and think to themselves like, “Today’s not going to be easy. Today’s going to be a fight, but I’m going to fight.”

‘Supernatural’ Star Jared Padalecki Talks Depression and Why You Should ‘Always Keep Fighting’

Link

Cycles and Seasons

Have you ever stopped to think about how much we are influenced by repeated cycles and events? For example, the holiday season. No one is truly immune to it, even when we avoid it. There is a greater sense of community, of connectedness, than at any other time of the year. There is more joy, more sharing, more giving. Also more eating, drinking, and arguing. It’s incredible, and the effects of repeated cycles often continue even when the original situation has drastically changed. About two months ago, I went through a pretty serious depression. I was moody, anxious, grumpy, and just downright sad. The thing was, I couldn’t figure out why. There were no discernible reasons for my mood. Work was going well, at least as well as it ever does. My finances are in good shape, my relationships are solid. So why was I so down?

Finally, it hit me. Exactly a year before, I was unemployed, very broke, feeling very insecure and apprehensive, and my relationships were undergoing some pretty major upheaval. So this year, despite the fact that everything in my life is better, I was still depressed. I didn’t even understand what might be causing it until it was almost over. The one-year anniversary of starting my new job passed, and like a miracle my mood lifted. I felt happier and stronger again. It was very strange.

More recently, it happened again. Spring is almost universally considered to be a time of renewal, as the land wakes up again, the sun stays around longer, and animals give birth to their young. For me, it has always been a little bit the same. Like waking up after a long sleep – which honestly is weird, because I love winter and often feel most awake during the cold months. Still, spring seems like the time to begin new endeavors, to shake off the cobwebs and get moving again. Which is exactly what I have slowly been doing since the turn of the season, both mentally and physically. Moving again. Making room for new thoughts and ideas, discarding ones that no longer serve. Boxing again, which I haven’t done in months. Thinking about travel, and road trips, and visiting places I’ve always wanted to go, even right here in my hometown. Waking up.

I’m excited to welcome spring, and to start moving again in my life. Moving forward, making changes. As much as part of me hates change, I know it is the only way to truly live. So here I am, changing a little bit every day.

What cycles do you repeat? And what are you going to change today?

Taking Care of Me

Taking care of myself has rarely been enough of a priority for me. I tend to focus on the needs of others, because often they seem to be easier to address. And because I sometimes have difficulty identifying my own needs. I’ve really gotten tired of waiting for other people to do the same for me. Took a very long time to understand that it doesn’t work that way.

In any case, I have often let myself be lower on the list of priorities. Lately, I’m making some changes. Instead of focusing on what I want or need, I’ve been focusing on what makes me feel good. I like feeling that I have accomplished things, so every time I do, I write it down. Sometimes by the end of the day, I have a pretty impressive list. I’m keeping track of little moments that make me feel loved and cared for, whether they come from me or from others. I’m taking better care of my body, because it feels good to do so. I’m cutting myself some slack. Not saying that I can get away with anything, but really truly accepting that any success is still success, that any progress still counts. This all adds up to me ending my day with a really satisfied, fulfilled feeling.

This taking care of me thing is awesome. I’m so glad I found my right way to do it.

Work day

Ever work with one of those people? The ones that you know have their hearts in the right place? They really mean well in everything they do. And meanwhile, you’re thinking “Oh my god, kill me now. Will you stop being such an idiot?!?!?”

I work with one. All day, five days a week. She’s a lovely person. But she drives me nuts. Too focused on one aspect of our job, to the point that she completely and utterly neglects the rest of it. Which means I pick up the slack. Want to know the worst part? Everyone we work with knows this. They all know that I do the work, and she does practically nothing. And their response? “We’ve tried for years. She’s just that way.”

Seriously? It’s okay for her to slack off because that’s her personality? What a load of crap. But she’s really good at one aspect of our job, so she stays. And everyone who has to work with her is stuck with the rest of it. Granted, I’m something of an overachiever, so some days I appreciate the challenge. But I really shouldn’t be expected to pick up her slack.  And I am expected to. If I don’t pick up her slack, I’m the one who gets in trouble, not her. She should be expected to contribute.

Is it terrible of me to contemplate her upcoming retirement age and pray that she decides to actually retire? Because getting assigned to a different partner is a long and arduous process that might not net me better results.

There. That’s my rant for the day. We should all be allowed some room, but we should also all be expected to uphold our end of the deal. And that is all.

One more step

Take a step.

Just one.

Doesn’t matter how big or small,

whether you move left or right, forward

or even back.

Take a step.

For the love of all that is holy, don’t stand still.

When we don’t move, we stagnate, suffocate

…fade.

Don’t fade away.

Move.

One more step.

Every day.

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