Starting Small

So it’s been ages. Maybe two or three. But here I am, thinking about my blog again. Wondering why I never do seem to be able to keep up with it. So instead of just contemplating, I am doing. (for once)

Lots of people I know are taking the time for November to post on Facebook about one thing they are thankful for each day.

NaNoWriMo and NaPloBoMo are totally a thing.

Why not combine them, and get a new habit started?

One new blog post each day, and my topic is already decided – what am I thankful for today?

That’s not so hard, is it?

So I’m starting small.

Today, I am thankful for hot showers.

Refresh

Well, did it again. Got bored, changed my theme. I like this. It suits my current frame of mind. Goodness only knows how long that will last.

On topics of new things and changes, there are many in my life. New partner at work, new classroom, new students. New semester (currently boring me immensely, really wishing it was an online class so I wouldn’t have to pretend to pay attention). Soon, new apartment and new roommate.

There are also many old things in my life. Too many things to do and not enough time to do them. Too much stuff (working on that one, but still). Snuggles from my cats (who hate that I am packing things up). Good times with family and friends.

All in all, I have little to complain about. It’s why I’ve made such a big deal out of this lingering cough and my boring class. 🙂

Welcome Back!

Hi all. I was a tad bored this morning, so I started playing around with my blog. New theme and colors, which I mostly like. Some feedback would be great, though. Any thoughts? For example, I’m not loving that apparently you have to hover over the title area in order to clearly see it and the menu. I’m planning to leave this up for a couple days, pending feedback. Thanks!

Thoughts

I missed a post again yesterday.

Still not a failure.

Today has gone by entirely too quickly.

Dark comes too early.

Some things just take too long to accomplish.

Lists are good. They make it easier to keep track of things.

Purple is good too.

And rain. Rain would be nice.

Or snow. I could go for snow.

Suppose I will settle for ice cream, since snow is very unlikely tonight.

I like learning things.

And those are my thoughts for the day.

Perspective

I struggle with maintaining a perspective. Whether I am too close or too far away, I tend to stay there, viewing things in the same way. I like to see different perspectives, but sometimes it really takes a push for me to do so, especially when I am stressed.

Really, I blow things way out of proportion. I’m an expert at turning molehills into mountains. Take my upcoming craft fair for example. It’s a lot of work. I’ve never done one before, and I’m stressed about the whole thing. How much product should I have on hand? Do I have a receipt book? What about change, or a cash box? How should I display it? And that’s just the start of the list. In the back of my head is this little voice telling me I’m overreacting, and that I will be just fine. The rest of my head is screaming that I only have nine more days to finish preparing.

So I started small. I created a custom order form for people who want specific pieces or alterations. Two days ago, I was freaked out about this concept, with no clue what I wanted the form to look like, or even what information I needed for it. Tonight, I sat down, opened a new document, and ten minutes later decided I was satisfied. The form is simple, elegant, informative and done. Cross that off the list. What a relief.

Two days ago, that piece alone looked like a mountain in a long chain of them. Tonight, it is less than a molehill. It’s my perspective. I stepped away, and took a moment to breathe. And when I sat down to work on it, I did it with the determination that I would finish it and be able to cross something off my ever growing list. It’s very satisfying to cross things off lists.

This perspective thing applies to lots of other stuff too. Had an appointment with my therapist today. Six months ago, I thought the idea of seeing a therapist meant there was something irretrievably broken in me. Today, I was just glad for a chance to take a walk and talk to a good listener. Judgment wasn’t even in the equation. Sometimes, we can’t see anything other than the mountain in front of us, and it can be so hard to move away from it. I have a lot of days when I just can’t do it. Today, I managed. It was hard, and I have no idea how long it will last. But it’s a blessing every time it happens.

Also, giving myself points for completing another blog post. Maybe it’s silly, but the personal challenge of seeing that I can do this daily is kinda nice. And yeah, I celebrate when I do it. Everybody needs another reason to celebrate.

Work in Progress

So I didn’t write a post yesterday. Total fail, right? Wrong.

I’m not perfect, and I don’t want to be. Sure, now I can’t say I posted every day in November. So what? Today makes three out of four, and that’s pretty damn good, all things considered. And I’m starting over. In more ways than one, I am trying to eliminate “fail” (and derivatives like “failure”) from my vocabulary. My problem with them is I over apply. If I fail to meet my goal of posting every day in November, then I am a failure. That’s simply not true. I am so much more than that.

Yesterday was a rough day. Full day of work, workshops after work, and the death of a beloved family dog. I’m allowed to give myself a pass on something like a blog post. It’s not against the rules. Mind you, I have to work at it to really believe myself when I say that. I’m so used to my all or nothing mentality that accepting that less than all is still success is very challenging. But it’s a challenge I want to take on, because who the hell ever achieves every single thing they set out to do? Certainly not me. And if I can learn to accept success on a smaller scale than perfection, I can learn to be happier, because I won’t have to think of myself as a failure. I like this plan.

Tell me, what have you succeeded at lately?

So what’s for dinner?

Ever have one of those days when you just couldn’t care less what the food is, so long as you get to eat? I have them all the time. Really, all the time. And for me, not only do I not care what I eat, this not caring makes it so hard to decide what to eat. So if there isn’t somebody else to say “this is what we’re having”, it can take me hours to decide on anything, because nothing sounds good. It’s very frustrating.

I was concerned that today would be one of those days. Breakfast wasn’t a problem, because I had decided before I went to bed last night what to have this morning. Lunch was a problem, and I ended up eating late and not nearly enough. I was feeling the same about dinner. Didn’t really care, just needed to eat. Was planning to come home from my errands and just cook whatever I put my hands on (even that decision is actually an improvement for me). But then I remembered that I wanted to have something for lunch tomorrow. So, I went to the grocery store, thinking of getting some lunch meat for a sandwich. As I strolled rather slowly through the store, I passed a display of fish. And suddenly, I knew what I wanted for dinner. I’m having fish and chips, with coleslaw. The fish is cooking right now and smells delicious.

Thank goodness for days when the universe steps in to help me out. Now if I can just motivate myself to clean up after I cook dinner…

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