Surrender 

It was really hard for me to get on the mat today. I wish I had a good reason for that. I have lots of excuses. Long day at work, feeling stressed, got caught up in other things  (damn you, Facebook). They’re all excuses. I was avoiding it. Damned if I know why.

The good news is I did it. I showed up for me, rolled out my mat…and proceeded to struggle with staying focused. I took a few lousy yoga selfies. (Someday I’ll take better ones to share. Or at least edit the ones I have.) I turned on some recorded chanting. Settled into sukhasana. Did well for nearly ten minutes, just settling in, neck rolls, gentle twists, side body stretch. Then I had to fight the urge to get up and do something else. Anything else. That’s my cue to try harder. 

So I did. Kept moving, kept stretching. May have stretched too hard somewhere along the way. Settled into extended child’s pose, reminding myself to surrender that which I need not carry. Ended up spending the last 10 of my 30 minutes in savasana. I had hoped to be dead to the world, zen and chill. Instead my brain started up. I think some of the problem keeping me away from my mat was not wanting to deal with the thoughts that were just below the surface. So I gave my self permission to feel, to think, and to let go. Letting go didn’t happen for all of the thoughts. But it is a practice. 

So here I am, practicing letting go. A favorite mantra of mine, which I only learned recently: “It was never mine to carry, and so I lay it down.”

Surrender.

It was never mine to carry, and so I lay it down.

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