Not the end of the world

Well, it happened. I tried to go the entire month of November writing a post every day. I failed. But only by a day (I missed yesterday). One day, out of 30. Not bad, all things considered. And there were some terrible last-minute posts in that month. So now, I can’t have my personal celebration for actually completing my goal. But I was so close, I think I can sort of count it.

Really, this is a reminder. One little slip is not utter failure. Hell, if it was a grade for participation, I’d still be getting an A. And that’s the point. It’s not the end of the world if I’m not perfect. Nothing stops moving just because I don’t write a post (or go for a walk, or clean my kitchen). The days keep coming, so I can keep trying. It’s actually pretty easy to do. Now, I don’t know that I will commit to writing a blog post every day in December. November was tough, and this last week especially so. But I know now that I can write often, and that’s a start.

So sure, I did not actually complete the NaBloPoMo challenge. But I got close enough for me. The world hasn’t ended, and neither have I.

Giving Thanks

Family, friends, pets, food, home, laughter, love, joy, health, generosity, kindness, understanding.

Clouds, rain, snow, sleet, hail, storms, sun, flowers, trees, beauty.

Sleep, books, cozy blankets, hot chocolate.

Creativity, inventiveness, initiative, perseverance.

Learning, seeking, expanding, believing, testing, proving.

Life.

Words

I so often find that I’ve nothing to say
Words are just words; they get in the way
Some things are truly hard to define
Like strong emotion or state of mind
Thoughts swirl indefinitely
Tossed about on an endless sea
Yet we all strive desperately
To achieve moments of clarity
What we are seeking cannot be found
On the day to day life merry-go-round
It lies beyond, and within,
And nowhere at all
What do you feel when you watch a star fall?

The Holiday Season has Arrived

It’s official, the holidays are here. How can I tell? For starters, I have a head cold – right on schedule. Fortunately, this one isn’t bad, and seems to actually be likely to pass quickly. Also, insane craving for baked goods. Not even necessarily to eat them, but to bake them. I like to bake generally, but this time of year, I start wanting to bake more and more. It gets a little out of hand.

Of course, there are plenty of other signs. Stores are overflowing with Christmas decorations, signs declaring the perfect gift, and cheesy music (the last of which I confess I absolutely love – in small doses). Christmas lights and decorations started going up. Near me, they started over the weekend – thankfully not too horribly early, although I usually aim for after Thanksgiving. Every holiday deserves to be celebrated on its own, after all.

Some of you might be expecting some amazing revelation to follow this. Sorry. It’s just a really long statement. The holiday season has truly begun. I’m not even sure how I feel about that. A little excited, I suppose, since I do usually enjoy it. A little bewildered, since I have no idea how it is the end of November already. Mostly, it just is what it is.

I’m going to go bake something now.

Uninspired

Some days, that’s just what it comes down to. Uninspired. Sure, I got a few things done today. Nothing momentous. The day was actually sort of a blur. Leaves me a little lost when it comes to writing a post. Not sure what to say, really. I’m sure I will think of something brilliant around 3am. And promptly forget it.

I Try to be My Best

Well, sort of. You see, I want to be my best. But if I don’t feel I can or will be, I don’t try at all. This is often a problem. It has hindered me in so many ways – fitness, creativity, productivity, blogging. The list goes on. If I don’t think whatever I produce will be the best possible, I don’t even try.

This isn’t always true, especially in learning a new skill. I expect there to be a learning curve – new skills always take a little more work. But once learned, that leeway no longer exists in my mind. For so much of my life, learned skills took no effort whatsoever. I never had to try in school – even the “hard” classes were easy. I never had to try to be productive, things always got done. My creative ideas were always successful.

Things are different now. After years of not being in school, years of just going through the motions, working to make enough money to pay the bills, and vegetating when not working, I have to try at pretty much everything. It’s exhausting. I want to be much healthier and more fit than I am, but god, the work that goes into that. The bridge between now and then is immense. ┬áSame goes for efforts at creating my own jewelry – I excel at following other people’s patterns, but coming up with my own is a paralyzing challenge. I don’t know if I can do it, so I don’t even try.

I’m held back by fear, as so many of us are. Knowing the demon should make it easier to fight. Not always the case, for me. Sometimes, out of sheer stubbornness, I say, “Yes, I am afraid of that. Still not gonna try.” Talk about depressing.

My inertia certainly doesn’t put me at my best, which is where I want to be. But when I am only now learning how to work at it, why working at it is even necessary, I am easily discouraged. I actually envy those of you who had to study hard and try to get through school. I’m pretty sure you learned a skill set that I simply don’t have. It’s very hard at this point to motivate myself to work on that skill set, but I have to. I’m so tired of not living up to my own expectations, even the small ones. Bit by bit, I will improve.

In the meantime, I’m worn out.

Fight scenes

Fight scenes in dramas, especially TV dramas, provide an excellent way to zone out. I honestly rarely feel the need to pay attention to fight scenes – nothing all that astonishing happens. There’s lots of punches, a few kicks and slaps, a moment where it looks like the good guy will lose, and the inevitable good guy win. Pretty straightforward. I enjoy them. Sometimes I watch them because they are well choreographed. Often I don’t because they are filmed in such a way that they become almost nauseating with the bouncing back and forth. Most often, I use fight scenes as a chance to do other things – go to the bathroom, check on dinner, take a look at the beading pattern I’m using. The scene just does not require my full attention. Sometimes, that’s really nice.

Previous Older Entries